Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
