the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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