you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
