Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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