Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
