i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
