How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
