I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
smell my finger.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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