Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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