she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
