This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
