She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
