She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
