He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
