I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
