God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
