Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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