Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
how does that bad decision feel?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
