hell yes lets make some ravioli
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
