you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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