We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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