Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
