We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
