you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
