This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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