just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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