Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
