I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
