you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
