Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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