mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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