I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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