google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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