I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
