It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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