I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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