I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
