yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
