ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
