Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
