doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
