If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
