I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
