Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
