The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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