Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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