I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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