i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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