I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
