kristin has been a bad kristin
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
